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Get me Carl
I received SPAM today with this subject line: “A night dress of a lady will look better with Carl.” I wrote back with equal urgency, “Heavens to Mergatroid – let me go fetch Carl!” Mergatroid was a...
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GLEANINGS
100 Years Ago Today in SawyerSpeaks July 10, 1910 Mr. Oscar Brygette arrived in town this afternoon in a horseless carriage that we dare say is more handsome in appearance than Mr. Brygette himself. We...
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Better Than Ears
Now here’s a product name that works backward from a worst-case menu. You can’t help but be drawn in: “I don’t much care for these mushrooms … but they’re better than ears.” “We’re out of macaroni and...
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The Top 5 Other Little-known Sneaky Holidays
August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day. The Top 5 Other Little-known Sneaky Holidays 5. September 12: Sneak A Bring Barack Back! Bumper Sticker Onto Your Republican Neighbor’s...
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The Greatest Place in the World
The Trustees of the Village of Bertram reconvened in special session Tuesday evening to brainstorm a new village slogan. It was their third attempt and sixth hour at it, and gravity seemed to haul...
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Three Years. 36,176 Visits. Half a Dozen Good Ideas.
This blog’s been up for 3 years today, and received 36,176 visits in that time. Adding kitten or puppy photos, far right- or left-wing politics, shots of celebrities in bikinis, or sports stories would...
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Swan Song for the Queen’s Crew
“With her subjects facing a bare-bones budget and a bevy of higher taxes, Queen Elizabeth II has launched what some here describe as a preemptive strike against those who say this deeply indebted...
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“The stockholder of yesterday is the stowaway of today.”
– Groucho Marx in Monkey Business Between meetings you work up the nerve to check your 401(K) online and discover that since your last visit a year’s worth of contributions have done gone phssssitt! in...
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How to Write an Annual Christmas Letter
In a few short months you’ll sit down to pen the family Christmas letter, an annual dispatch with content no less genuine than Santa himself. In the past, you may have dreaded it like taxes – “this...
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Homeless Completely On Board with Economic Recovery
“Man Breaks Into Apartment, Starts Cooking, Police Say” “The victims said the man looked homeless,” reported police spokesman Joel DeSpain. – The Capital Times, Madison, WI 9/9/10 Help is on its way,...
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When Spammers Meet
Perhaps the way to keep spammers away from you and me is to occupy them with one another. Thus will my new correspondent Raphiou … Raphiou Codjo <raphioucj@dragnet.com.au> Dear Friend, Please do...
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10 Signs a Tomato May Be Trying to Kill You
10. Goes out, buys a gun and shoots you with it 9. Calls Mexican drug lord and says in your voice, “I have your grandmother’s wedding album.” 8. Hides your statins under neighbor’s Rhodesian Ridgeback...
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On the Deadmill
I think my old treadmill is trying to kill me It lurches and veers, it launches and thrills me During The Wheel, it signaled a left I quick bought a vowel, and spelled out “bereft” The web advised,...
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