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ASHES TO ESCHERS, DUST A MUST
by Jeff Sawyer An open casket at a funeral seems to me like a seat left up on a low-flow toilet: quick, somebody close that thing, nobody needs to see that. I expect that, just as I get to the …...
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Aloe and Goodbye
Once upon a time in the year 2112, a handsome man and correspondingly beautiful woman rode a horse along a sandy ocean beach. A twisted, scarred, half-buried Statue of Liberty came into view. “Oh my...
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Limburger on a Plane
“Drinks for everyone in the place are on me!” yelled my friend Jerry to the barkeep, his voice echoing across the empty saloon. The “My Three Sons” episode running on an old TV screwed up into the...
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TAX DAY DEDUCTIONS
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Your goose is cooked. Cook the gander. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind. Leave and forget about it. Too many cooks...
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Executive Meet N’ Greet
An Interview with Carey V. Little, New Chief Marketing Officer at SawyerSpeaks, LLC Welcome to the company! What attracted you to the SawyerSpeaks organization? It was the history of the brand. This is...
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Manger Mercredi: French Translation and Principles of Accounting in the 20th...
French was the course to make up college credits with if you’d already taken it in high school and didn’t want to drop out of college just because the thought of Accounting II being taught by a bleak...
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Monday Morning in the Jury Room
How’d it go in court? I’ll tell you how it went in court. If ever you are summoned to jury duty, my innocent until proven otherwise friend, tell them you are canoeing across New Brunswick in search of...
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Now is not the time to be watching TV.
By Jeff Sawyer I was in the men’s room at the Norske Nook pie restaurant in Osseo, Wisconsin last weekend, en route to a daughter’s Eau Claire graduation where a very funny writer named Michael Perry...
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It Could Be the Beret.
Is this sandwich for eating? Yes it is. Might I eat some of it? Indeed. It is quite delicious. Good. Might I now extract the nutrients internally to burn as energy today? Yes. I see there is a pickle....
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Prometheus, and Con.
My neighbor Stuart is a densely populated man with the grooved skin of a century old oak, the result of many summer months spent under the sun while vinyl siding his log home. Stuart’s design...
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sinking
The 1 percent is doing fine, Not so much the 99; Tough to care who’s on the brink, When washing your hands in an aquarium sink. Beware of little expenses; Continue reading →
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Top 5 Chinese Fireworks at the Local Stand Today
5. BOOM BOOM OUCH OUCH NURSE NURSE! Pack of 12 4. THE DISEMBOWLER, WITH REPORT 3. KEROSENE-FILLED BOUNCY HOUSE 2. GREEK CANDLE (LIKE ROMAN CANDLE, BUT IMPLODES) And the most Continue reading →
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Art Fair
So here we are together under your white canopy. I stand looking at your art. You sit looking at me. The sun looks for us both, impatient to draw anything Continue reading →
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It’s The Three Stooges in Calling All Critics!
As it might be written by Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing and Newsroom. Interior: the elegant ballroom of a fine Victorian mansion. A few dozen Wall Street elites socialize over Continue reading →
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Well this is funnier than anything I can think of this week…
It’s Irish Olympic Sailing Commentary… with a surprising ending. http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=510_1344196881
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Guidance Office
Office of Richard Hentschler, Career Counselor Franklin B. Madison High School Farmton, New Hampshire May 29, 1974 “You enjoy meeting and touching strangers. You will either become a physician or do 30...
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Burma Shave: Signs of the Times
In the 1930s and ’40s, when people drove primarily on two-lane country roads, the shaving cream maker Burma Shave advertised on signs placed around the countryside in roadside farmers’ fields. For each...
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